tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
