I could have mohawked her pubes.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
