I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
MIDGETS
????
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
