Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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