she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I still have a little drunk in my system
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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