I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
