Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
