Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Randomize
