Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
NoShamevember. You game?
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Randomize
