Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
