he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
