You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
