ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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