so that wasnt chicken after all
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
So much Jack, so little girl.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
