Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Randomize
