how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
