I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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