Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
