Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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