Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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