Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Randomize
