I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Randomize
