how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
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