i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
