Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Randomize
