My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
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