It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
