Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
