Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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