Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
