the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
