gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
