she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Couch. On fire.
Randomize
