If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
