They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
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