What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
