I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Randomize
