I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
