the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
