I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
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