but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
