I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
