The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
