It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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