my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
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