I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Randomize
