dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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