Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
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