I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
