I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
