I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
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